Valuing the Wisdom of Age

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Comment by Philip Belove on August 12, 2008 at 7:26am

I'm Philip Belove. My specialty is helping people with their relationship challenges as they go through the midlife transition. (www.datingatmidlife.com)
Yes, you change the way you think and feel at midlife. Some never mature. Some come by maturity naturally. Some have it thrust upon them.

My favorite quote on this matter is by Checkov from a story called A Misfortune. In the story a wife and mother of young children, early 30's, is married to a very dull but wealthy man and a very exciting attorney, a little older than her, wants her to run away with him. She's on the verge of doing it. The attorney is waiting for her outside their estate, on a path in the moonlight. She shakes her husband awake and he says, "What?" She says, "I'm in trouble. If we don't change something soon I'm going to have an affair." He says, "Nonsense," and rouses himself up from his sleep and gives her his best ten minute lecture on the sanctity of marriage. Then he goes back to sleep. That narrator, Checkov, reflects on this and says, "The world is full of opinions. Unfortunately half of them are held by people who have never been in trouble."

So many successful older people have experienced significant failures in their lives that there are those who claim that having a failure is the key to success. I doubt it. But there are lessons in every failure.

Maturity is a kind of time-tested wisdom and it involves knowing what lessons to draw from difficult experience. The U.S. military -- no more practical group of people in the world -- always conducts a study after every operation to see what they could have learned and where mistakes were made.

Too much positive thinking, or perhaps I should say, the wrong kind of positive thinking can be impractical. There is a link between this and naivete.
Enough said for now

Philip Belove
drbelove@datingatmidlife.com

Comment by Ulrike Haupt - Namibia's Feel Better Coach on June 24, 2008 at 11:04pm

I guess there are different types of people. And some have more or better social skills than others. Some may love to talk and some enjoy writing out their thoughts. Many may still be intimidated by this social web thing. Don't be too upset if only a small fraction of the total number of members is really active. This happens everywhere.
Also consider the time factor. To make friends and connect takes time and effort Oh, and a lot of confidence, too.
Blissings
Ulrike
from Namibia - somewhere in Africa